Play, Setup, Scene, Spanial

English is fashionable in China. It has been for a number of years, and the trend is likely to continue. English words adorn many items of clothing, and translations from the original Chinese often accompany things like shop names and descriptions of food items. If it doesn't have abc on it, it just aint worth having.

I know, I know, Chinglish is an easy target. And there is already a great wealth of it available on t'internet for your viewing pleasure. But I've already largely resisted the urge for several months, and I've collected a few pictures that unreasonably amused me...

This is the menu page of a some random DVD I saw a few months ago. (You can assume that this isn't from a 100% legitimate copy of the film...) I was rather hoping that selecting the fourth option would translate the entire thing into woofs and barks, but sadly this was not the case.

This is an entry in the menu of a restaurant I often go to. I believe the translation should be something along the lines of a 'bull's penis cut into the shape of a flower', which isn't necessarily much better than what the menu actually states... but there's just something about the wording that puts a smile on my face:

Not in my family it doesn't

I imagine that many of these low-budget translations stem from the use of internet-based translation software by someone who has little or no knowledge of English... Here is an interesting illustration of what can happen when quality control really goes out the window - found in large writing on the front of a shop, somewhere between Taiyuan and Beijing:

Lost in translation

While I, as an honest, upstanding British citizen, have nothing but absolute respect for international copyright law, you may be aware that some truly evil people actually copy DVDs. Disgusting, I know. But they are so readily available in China that I'm not sure I've ever seen a genuine DVD over here - I guess there isn't much of a market for them: Who would bother buying a real one when the fake is right next to it for a tenth of the price?

Anyway, I can reluctantly confirm that, on rare occasions, not-entirely-authentic DVDs have been known to accidentally enter my field of vision. Browsing the local shops and markets, it is easy to find the latest releases from around the world, often within days of the official release date. But as a general rule, the longer you are prepared to wait, the higher the quality of your viewing experience. If you buy too soon, you'll end up with one recorded from a cinema screen with a camcorder. Wait a few weeks and a much higher quality copy can often be found.

But sometimes even more entertainment can be gleaned from a DVD purchase in China, simply because the people responsible for the piracy often have a poor grasp of English. First of all, there is the fun of deciphering the film title. To produce the DVD sleeve, I assume they perform a quick internet search and use whatever they can find. Any non-Chinese that is found obviously must be perfect English, and exactly what is being searched for. This can sometimes make for an amusing description of the film on the back of the sleeve. Take this one for example:

Quickly googling some of the text reveals that it has been swiped directly from the user comments on IMDb. It seems clear that whoever did this has little or no grasp of English - though I'd like to believe that isn't true, and they just have a wicked sense of humour ^_^

But the thing that most frequently leads to various combinations of hilarity and utter confusion is the translation that comes along with the film. Again, as a general rule, waiting a few weeks will result in a higher quality viewing experience... but if you simply can't wait, you must be prepared for the consequences. English subtitles (of an English-language film) are often ridiculously bad - seemingly having been translated to Chinese and then back again (possibly several times). A string of English words will appear onscreen, but bare no relation whatsoever to what is actually being said. Switching to Chinese subtitles offers a different experience. Here, a native Chinese speaker has written the subtitles so they are at least coherent. The problem/source of amusement is that the translated dialogue may not necessarily follow what is being said onscreen. This has lead to some odd conversations regarding plot development when watching an English-language film with Chinese subtitles, with Chinese people. Entire relationships are changed (for example, husbands and wives become brothers and sisters), plotlines radically diverge, jokes become hideously inappropriate or just disappear completely.

While this can be a little frustrating, its not all bad. Perhaps a slightly different situation, but what would childhood be like with a properly translated version of The Magic Roundabout?