Pictures of China

I've just opened an account at Panaramio, and I'll be putting a few of my more interesting pictures on there. This aint no travel blog, but if anyone is interested, you can find my account here, and in theory at least, they should also be geotagged... the idea is that they can also be seen in Google Earth. Plenty more to be added at a later date..... enjoy.

Wedding photography

As I've blogged previously, an important part of a Chinese wedding is to have some spectacular pictures taken, which are often a vastly superior distant relative of the type of wedding photos taken in western countries.

I recently went through this process just last month, and what a 12-hour marathon it was. I'm very pleased to report that the results, however, made it worthwhile. It involved several costume changes, a trip to some nearby mountains, and lasted until well after the sun had gone down.

Wedding photography is very big business here in China. You can tell that simply by the sheer number of these photography places that can be seen in any city or town. The cost is usually upwards of 4000RMB (way more than the average monthly salary), so maybe that helps to explain why it needs an entire day to carry out... then a few weeks for Photoshopping (wrinkles and blemishes disappear... looks just like me, but better! Then the obligatory skin whitening), then more time for printing and binding, since photos are then made into a fancy book, plus huge prints are made, more than a metre across.

Though it's not the place that we used (mainly due to a combination of the ridiculous pricetag and the way-too-pushy staff), there's a place on Xi'an's South Street that I like, because they have live models in the window to advertise their business. You can sometimes see the people going out, or returning from, their outdoor photoshoots, resplendent in their wedding clothes (or whatever costumes they're wearing). 

Here are some pictures that I managed to snap of some other folks having there pictures done, though unfortunately not in their intended setting - here they are perched on the curb in the middle of Xi'an's South Street. I remember the day well. This was 12th May 2008, the day of the earthquake in Wenchuan. Though there was little damage caused here in Xi'an, everyone certainly felt it. As everyone poured out into the street these folks joined us... I suppose it didn't seem like a good time to stay indoors and change their clothes.

I'm sure these people will be thinking about their experience today - exactly one year after the earthquake happened. 

What Chinese food really is

What do people eat in China? Almost certainly, nothing that resembles what you can buy from your local Chinese takeaway back home.

One myth that needs to dispelled is that fact that dog meat is widely eaten. First off, China is massive - it's the size of a continent. You can't tar over a billion people with the same brush. Some people here do eat dog. Those people generally live in the far northeast of China (since I understand eating dog meat is predominantly a Korean practise), and in the far south of China (Cantonese people). As far everyone else.... Well, to be honest, it is actually very difficult to find dog meat. There are a few restaurants that include dog on the menu, but if you ask about it they very rarely have it. Also, dog meat is considered "winter food", since it is said to have a warming effect onthe body. I have to confess here, I did manage to track down a restaurant that sold it. I tried it.... it's just meat. Didn't taste weird, it's just meat. However, I did find it to be full of bones and gristle, and for that reason I won't be eating it again. 

Getting back on topic though, there are only a few things that you can find back home that can also be bought here. (I think the dish that's the closest to being the same on all continents is sweet and sour pork. But just don't ask for sweet and sour chicken/beef/prawns, since this will be met with a mixture of confusion and disgust.) So... what do people eat? It varies a lot from place to place, with each province staking claim to its own unique dishes and flavours. Here in Shaanxi province, here are two of the most popular:

Liang pi. This is basically cold noodles, covered in chilli oil. Somewhat amusingly, you can also get "hot cold noodles", which I like to call "noodles".

This one is a very commonly-seen snack in Xi'an - rou jia mo (meat and bread). Its often called a "Chinese hamburger" by Chinese english-speakers. Usually, this is stewed mutton (though sometimes beef) and gravy put inside some flat bread. Awesome.

Non-jobs

Looking for a career change? Consider China. Here there exist a diverse array of professions that don't even exist in the western world. 

You can often see people selling things out on the street. Puppies. Little baby chicks (ideally, these should be pink, green or blue). This month I've seen a guy, on two occassions, attempting to sell a rock. An actual rock. It was about the size of a small child's head, light grey in colour, with some dark grey circles on it.

A guy and his rock

Apparently this pattern makes it special, and therefore commands a price of something in the 4-digit range. (I sincerely hope that the guy that was selling that thing is still there - if she's not then it may indicate that someone has bought it. If that is the case, I may feel compelled to track down said buyer and beat him, or her, senseless. If only to get my hands on the rock, obviously.)

Another great job is the guy THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE MONEY TO that will design a signature for you. Apparently it's cool to have a cool signature. Apparently people are too dumb to come up with one on their own.

Then there's the young ladies who clap for a living. Literally - clapping. Their task is to stand at the front of a shop and clap their hands together. I understand the idea behind this is simply to attract attention; once you've glanced over in their general direction, you will inevitably be drawn into the store where you will empty your wallet. I wonder what rigorous selection-procedural hoops need to be jumped through to reach those dizzying career heights.

Possibly the occupation with the largest number of workers in China also fits into the category of that's-not-really-a-job-is-it. Last, but by no means least, it is the good folks that stand by the door of so many stores and restuarants, and welcome you inside. Literally: Just stand there and say huan ying guang lin ("Welcome, and please grace us with your presence"). Then once you get inside, customers are often vastly outnumbered by the number of shop assistants or waitresses. Just ordering food in a restaurant herecan be a 3-waitress job. One to hold the menu, one to write the order, one to just stand by (in case of emergency?).

I'm told this may be partly in response to the fact that the population here is just so damn big. There aren't nearly enough jobs to go around, so jobs are just invented. In a situation like the one described above (shops, restaurants) I suspect the over-abundance of staff is meant to be a sign that the business is successful and can offer great service. 

To be fair, I once had a non-job. My sole task: to arrange files in alphabetical order.

The International Language of Onomatopoeia

(Or: Would a duck by any other quack sound as sweet?)

There are certain things in life that people often take for granted. The sun rises and sets. Santa will only leave gifts for good boys and girls. Grass is green. The sky is blue. Dogs bark, birds tweet… They do, don’t they? Well, maybe where you come from, but not in China.

What sound does your dog make? Woof? Bark? In China, the word is wang (1st tone, in case you were wondering). Admittedly, the issue of whether this is standard mutt-Mandarin, or the local doggy dialect remains unclear. If you brought your non-Chinese dog to China it is possible that the poor thing would stand no chance of communicating with its oriental canine cousins.

But the story doesn’t end there; dogs are not the only creatures with a language barrier to overcome. In fact, even the humble frog would have trouble chatting around an average koi pond on Chinese soil. While you may have previously thought it common knowledge that a frog communicates solely in ribbits, as you have probably now guessed, this is not the case in China. If you absolutely must imitate the Budweiser frogs while in the PRC, please ensure that the standard call of gua gua is used at all times, in order to avoid any confusion that may arise.

The confusion extends further into the animal kingdom. A patent worldwide shortage of farmyard translators has ensured that livestock destined for a future outside their home countries’ borders are in a constant state of bewilderment. Pity the poor sheep of the English-speaking world; There cries of baa baa simply don’t cut it once they’re past Chinese passport control, and are instead drowned in a sea of mie. 

But it is not all bad news. In fact, for cats with an international inclination, relocating to China would likely cause a minimum of disruption, having to cope with only a change of accent rather than a different language. (Go on, try to miaow with a Chinese accent.)

Confusing as this all is, the level of education among China’s non-human population demands respect – it is apparent that animals of Chinese origin are clearly familiar with the rules of standard Chinese and always use the right one of Mandarin’s four tones.

As a sad footnote, after extensive research, it has proven nigh on impossible to ascertain the sounds made by particularly Chinese beasts like the giant panda (ooh, is it a bear, is it a raccoon?) and the common or garden dragon.

Desperate to communicate with Chinese animals? Click here.

Birds of a feather

There are things that I've come to understand about China. People will never believe that I like spicy food. People will respond to my spoken Chinese with mime. Mashed potato will always be served cold, surrounded by a moat of milk, with coloured sprinkles on top. I accept these things and try not to let them get me down.

But there are other things, things that I don't think I'll ever understand. I've already written about one such example, when landlords actually raise the rent after apartments have been sitting empty for months, to recoup the money they've already lost. This seems an unusual business decision to me. But there's another one, a more obvious and highly visual one, that I'm sure many others have noticed...

If you need to buy some flowers in Xi'an, where do you go? Flower street, of course. What about a neon sign for the front of your shop? Head on down to neon sign street. Desperately need some goldfish? Simply take a bus down to goldfish street and ye shall be rewarded. I can't help but wonder.... is it really a good idea for stores that sell identical items to be located right next door to each other in a single long strip? Often, they have exactly the same prices too. Where is the competition? How can that be a good business idea? I've heard that if a couple of similar shops, nearby to each other, seem to have a good business, then that just encourages many others to open identical shops next door.

A sign-making shop, next to a sign-making shop, next to a...

Doesn't this just dilute how much money is being brought into the available stores in that particular identi-shop strip? Once the saturation point has been reached there simply won't be enough business/money to spread around... right? Whatever happened to finding a gap in the market? Wouldn't it make more sense to find out where there are NO florists, and open one there? Well, not in China.

Six florists in this photo, but there are plenty of others nearby

The thing is, this Chinese system doesn't seem to work.... so why does it persist? 

Luck.

It's all about how lucky you are. If business is poor, the store makes a loss and has to close, then what is the cause? Location? Lack of advertising? Wrong product or pricing? Nope - the guy just wasn't lucky enough. So, sure enough, another one will open in its place a few weeks later, opened by someone that believe they will be luckier than the last one. And so the cycle continues.

There seems to be a general belief that the path to riches goes something like this:

1. Open a shop (preferably selling little crappy things that nobody really wants, which are really cheap, and can only possibly yield a profit of 1 RMB.)

2. Plan is complete - you are rich.

There are no possible alternatives or deviations from this plan. At least, not in the minds of the myriad shop owners, and potential shop owners, of Xi'an. Did you have any idea that is was so simple? Let's all go and open stores in a shopping mall right now! Oh wait, you probably shouldn't bother, since they're all empty caverns...

Play, Setup, Scene, Spanial

English is fashionable in China. It has been for a number of years, and the trend is likely to continue. English words adorn many items of clothing, and translations from the original Chinese often accompany things like shop names and descriptions of food items. If it doesn't have abc on it, it just aint worth having.

I know, I know, Chinglish is an easy target. And there is already a great wealth of it available on t'internet for your viewing pleasure. But I've already largely resisted the urge for several months, and I've collected a few pictures that unreasonably amused me...

This is the menu page of a some random DVD I saw a few months ago. (You can assume that this isn't from a 100% legitimate copy of the film...) I was rather hoping that selecting the fourth option would translate the entire thing into woofs and barks, but sadly this was not the case.

This is an entry in the menu of a restaurant I often go to. I believe the translation should be something along the lines of a 'bull's penis cut into the shape of a flower', which isn't necessarily much better than what the menu actually states... but there's just something about the wording that puts a smile on my face:

Not in my family it doesn't

I imagine that many of these low-budget translations stem from the use of internet-based translation software by someone who has little or no knowledge of English... Here is an interesting illustration of what can happen when quality control really goes out the window - found in large writing on the front of a shop, somewhere between Taiyuan and Beijing: