What Chinese people know about food

Only Chinese people like spicy food. Or maybe I should rephrase that as 'only Chinese people can eat spicy food', since there's an important difference. Seemingly, this is a matter of pride to folks here - the ability to eat spicy food. Non-spicy food just isn't proper food to many people. And it seems that even if you don't like the heat of the chillis, it is just the done thing, so you eat them anyway. How amusing to see people slurping down furnace-like hot and sour fishhead soup and chewing on red chilli-coated noodles while their cheeks glow pink and foreheads bead with sweat, insisting how great the food is (but all the while stopping for regular breaks and declaring how bloody hot it is). I've the question before: If it's too spicy, why not ask for it without the chilli next time? But I was politely informed that it wouldn't taste good without the tongue-searing, makes-your-eyes-bulge heat. 

I like spicy food. Chinese, Indian, Mexican - it's all good. I've tried to introduce the idea that other countries also have spicy food. I've talked about the popularity of Indian food in the UK. But ordering spicy food in a restaurant in China often produces the same response: A concerned look, then, towards my missus: 他能吃辣子不？("Can he eat spicy stuff?") For me, this is annoying on two levels. Maybe I'm taking it too personally but it almost seems like a slight against my manliness - yes I can eat spicy food damnit (just like I ate them the last ten times I ordered this dish in this restaurant...). Pile more chillies on top, see if I care. Secondly (if a little off-topic-ly) I ordered the food by speaking to the guy in Chinese, so why can't the guy ask me if I'm ok with spicy food?

Chinese people know what foreign food is: Burgers. And pizza. And fried chicken. I think those are the only available options. I once showed some students a picture of a cooked english breakfast and they didn't even understand what they were looking at. A full Sunday-roast style dinner (complete with yorkshire puddings, naturally) produced a similar effect. Regardless of their obvious utter lack of knowledge of foreign food, I was confidently informed that foreign food didn't taste good. (Note to self: Try this again, but first Photoshop the pictures to make everything look spicy.)

Oh, I missed one. Foreigners also eat onions.

To be fair, knowledge of what real Chinese food is is pretty pathetic in the UK. Most things that you might find on a menu back home simply wouldn't be recognised as Chinese food in China. Likewise, there's a lot of great Chinese food that I can't imagine I'd ever find in a restaurant back in England. 

The range and standard of 'western' food here is not great, though probably on a par with the range and standard of Chinese food available in western countries. Some of the 'western food' items I've been served - though I haven't necessarily eaten - include pasta (served in a ketchup dressing) and fruit salad (served in a thousand island dressing). Pizza has no tomato under the cheese. But at least the cheese is... cheese flavoured. Could be worse, could use one of these dairy-related abominations:

That'll be strawberry and chocolate flavoured cheese then. Say it with me: Mmmmmm.....

The Shaanxi Squat

Back in my school days I remember spending a lot of time sitting cross-legged on the floor. During school assembly, or at home in front of the TV. It seemed comfortable at the time, but my aging, unexercised lower limbs just don't have the required flexibility any more. I can bend to meet all the necessary angles required to sit on a chair, and that's about as far as I go.

Life in China makes more demands of peoples' thighs. What with all the stair climbing (buildings of eight floors or less have no lifts) and walking, and... well, I won't dwell too long on the delights of a visit to a non-Western style WC, but as you can probably work out from this picture it doesn't involve sitting down, but requires the 'user' to squat. 

Moving swiftly on, I'm focussing on the act of squatting itself. Chinese people are great at this. If it was an Olympic sport, then that would surely have been another gold medal in the bag for the PRC. It can be seen everwhere: In the street, at home, in school. Waiting, smoking, chatting with friends, eating. On the ground, on a wall, beside a chair, even on a chair...

Spotted this guy a couple of days ago in a local restaurant, thought I might sneak a quick photo using my phone, over my shoulder.

I don't know why, but although I've seen people squatting like this wherever I've been in China, it does seem more common here in Xi'an. Therefore, I propose that henceforth this manouvre be known as The Shaanxi Squat. I'm fairly good at it too, though I find it difficult to hold for long periods of time. I've yet to work up the courage to attempt an on-seat squat, but maybe one day...

Sorry, more toilet talk, but this warrants a mention too: On a couple of occasions I've seen footprints on the seat of a western-style toilet. No need, really.

Be careful the safe

What better way to escape from a Wednesday afternoon at work than to be carted off to a health and safety workshop? I'm certain this is a familiar scenario to people all over the western world. Sadly, no such thing would ever happen in China, the land of blatant disregard for human safety (in spite of the occasional redundant sign).

Traffic lights are just for decoration, right? (I've personally witnessed at least half a dozen car crashes over the past couple of years, compared to one in my previous 28 years in the UK.) Hiking up mountains is aided by "safety rails" that are barely up to knee-height... more of a trip-hazard really. How many people can you fit on a motorbike? Come to China and you'll find out. Having said all that, it is actually quite refreshing to be in a country where daily life has not had all the fun thoroughly beaten out of it with a large and pointy health and safety regulations stick. I rather enjoy careering around the streets of Xi'an on the back of someone's moped. (I try to forget that driving lessons are optional here... Want a license? Just buy one.) A small part of me (not my lungs, obviously) loves that it is ok to smoke anywhere you like. Including in hospitals. (But I don't like it in lifts.)

The street where I live is populated by many businesses that make neon signs for shops. As such, there's always work going on out in the streets. (If there's not enough room inside, they just drag everything outside onto the pavement and do it there.) I don't entirely love the smell of burning plastic that fills the air, but I do marvel at the guys welding the metal sign-supports together. Welding masks? Ok, what about goggles? Why bother when you can just turn your head away? Has anyone really thought that through? Welding, whilst not actually looking at what you're welding? (Hmm... Maybe I've found the reason why Xi'an has a hospital that specialises in reattaching severed hands!)

Possibly my all-time favourite example of lack-of-fear-of-potential-death in China was also witnessed right here in Xi'an. These are some pictures from the first summer that I arrived here, in 2007. I was walking atop the ancient wall that encloses the city centre when I noticed this guy sitting on his little stool, hanging onto a rope, which disappeared over the other side of the wall...

He looked a little nervous as he smiled casually at me. I tried to just walk by. It was none of my business what he was up to. I walked. I walked some more. I thought I'd made it, but I just had to look. It was like trying to ignore an itch - I just had to look. I walked towards the side fo the wall and stuck my head through so that I could see outside. What was on the other end of that rope?

Well, I suppose it was easier and significantly cheaper than to hire some kind of lifting platform to hoist him up from the ground on the outside of the wall. Practical, don't you think?

Remember kids: Be careful the safe.