What Chinese people know about food

Only Chinese people like spicy food. Or maybe I should rephrase that as 'only Chinese people can eat spicy food', since there's an important difference. Seemingly, this is a matter of pride to folks here - the ability to eat spicy food. Non-spicy food just isn't proper food to many people. And it seems that even if you don't like the heat of the chillis, it is just the done thing, so you eat them anyway. How amusing to see people slurping down furnace-like hot and sour fishhead soup and chewing on red chilli-coated noodles while their cheeks glow pink and foreheads bead with sweat, insisting how great the food is (but all the while stopping for regular breaks and declaring how bloody hot it is). I've the question before: If it's too spicy, why not ask for it without the chilli next time? But I was politely informed that it wouldn't taste good without the tongue-searing, makes-your-eyes-bulge heat. 

I like spicy food. Chinese, Indian, Mexican - it's all good. I've tried to introduce the idea that other countries also have spicy food. I've talked about the popularity of Indian food in the UK. But ordering spicy food in a restaurant in China often produces the same response: A concerned look, then, towards my missus: 他能吃辣子不？("Can he eat spicy stuff?") For me, this is annoying on two levels. Maybe I'm taking it too personally but it almost seems like a slight against my manliness - yes I can eat spicy food damnit (just like I ate them the last ten times I ordered this dish in this restaurant...). Pile more chillies on top, see if I care. Secondly (if a little off-topic-ly) I ordered the food by speaking to the guy in Chinese, so why can't the guy ask me if I'm ok with spicy food?

Chinese people know what foreign food is: Burgers. And pizza. And fried chicken. I think those are the only available options. I once showed some students a picture of a cooked english breakfast and they didn't even understand what they were looking at. A full Sunday-roast style dinner (complete with yorkshire puddings, naturally) produced a similar effect. Regardless of their obvious utter lack of knowledge of foreign food, I was confidently informed that foreign food didn't taste good. (Note to self: Try this again, but first Photoshop the pictures to make everything look spicy.)

Oh, I missed one. Foreigners also eat onions.

To be fair, knowledge of what real Chinese food is is pretty pathetic in the UK. Most things that you might find on a menu back home simply wouldn't be recognised as Chinese food in China. Likewise, there's a lot of great Chinese food that I can't imagine I'd ever find in a restaurant back in England. 

The range and standard of 'western' food here is not great, though probably on a par with the range and standard of Chinese food available in western countries. Some of the 'western food' items I've been served - though I haven't necessarily eaten - include pasta (served in a ketchup dressing) and fruit salad (served in a thousand island dressing). Pizza has no tomato under the cheese. But at least the cheese is... cheese flavoured. Could be worse, could use one of these dairy-related abominations:

That'll be strawberry and chocolate flavoured cheese then. Say it with me: Mmmmmm.....