Pictures of China

I've just opened an account at Panaramio, and I'll be putting a few of my more interesting pictures on there. This aint no travel blog, but if anyone is interested, you can find my account here, and in theory at least, they should also be geotagged... the idea is that they can also be seen in Google Earth. Plenty more to be added at a later date..... enjoy.

Wedding photography

As I've blogged previously, an important part of a Chinese wedding is to have some spectacular pictures taken, which are often a vastly superior distant relative of the type of wedding photos taken in western countries.

I recently went through this process just last month, and what a 12-hour marathon it was. I'm very pleased to report that the results, however, made it worthwhile. It involved several costume changes, a trip to some nearby mountains, and lasted until well after the sun had gone down.

Wedding photography is very big business here in China. You can tell that simply by the sheer number of these photography places that can be seen in any city or town. The cost is usually upwards of 4000RMB (way more than the average monthly salary), so maybe that helps to explain why it needs an entire day to carry out... then a few weeks for Photoshopping (wrinkles and blemishes disappear... looks just like me, but better! Then the obligatory skin whitening), then more time for printing and binding, since photos are then made into a fancy book, plus huge prints are made, more than a metre across.

Though it's not the place that we used (mainly due to a combination of the ridiculous pricetag and the way-too-pushy staff), there's a place on Xi'an's South Street that I like, because they have live models in the window to advertise their business. You can sometimes see the people going out, or returning from, their outdoor photoshoots, resplendent in their wedding clothes (or whatever costumes they're wearing). 

Here are some pictures that I managed to snap of some other folks having there pictures done, though unfortunately not in their intended setting - here they are perched on the curb in the middle of Xi'an's South Street. I remember the day well. This was 12th May 2008, the day of the earthquake in Wenchuan. Though there was little damage caused here in Xi'an, everyone certainly felt it. As everyone poured out into the street these folks joined us... I suppose it didn't seem like a good time to stay indoors and change their clothes.

I'm sure these people will be thinking about their experience today - exactly one year after the earthquake happened. 

What Chinese food really is

What do people eat in China? Almost certainly, nothing that resembles what you can buy from your local Chinese takeaway back home.

One myth that needs to dispelled is that fact that dog meat is widely eaten. First off, China is massive - it's the size of a continent. You can't tar over a billion people with the same brush. Some people here do eat dog. Those people generally live in the far northeast of China (since I understand eating dog meat is predominantly a Korean practise), and in the far south of China (Cantonese people). As far everyone else.... Well, to be honest, it is actually very difficult to find dog meat. There are a few restaurants that include dog on the menu, but if you ask about it they very rarely have it. Also, dog meat is considered "winter food", since it is said to have a warming effect onthe body. I have to confess here, I did manage to track down a restaurant that sold it. I tried it.... it's just meat. Didn't taste weird, it's just meat. However, I did find it to be full of bones and gristle, and for that reason I won't be eating it again. 

Getting back on topic though, there are only a few things that you can find back home that can also be bought here. (I think the dish that's the closest to being the same on all continents is sweet and sour pork. But just don't ask for sweet and sour chicken/beef/prawns, since this will be met with a mixture of confusion and disgust.) So... what do people eat? It varies a lot from place to place, with each province staking claim to its own unique dishes and flavours. Here in Shaanxi province, here are two of the most popular:

Liang pi. This is basically cold noodles, covered in chilli oil. Somewhat amusingly, you can also get "hot cold noodles", which I like to call "noodles".

This one is a very commonly-seen snack in Xi'an - rou jia mo (meat and bread). Its often called a "Chinese hamburger" by Chinese english-speakers. Usually, this is stewed mutton (though sometimes beef) and gravy put inside some flat bread. Awesome.

Non-jobs

Looking for a career change? Consider China. Here there exist a diverse array of professions that don't even exist in the western world. 

You can often see people selling things out on the street. Puppies. Little baby chicks (ideally, these should be pink, green or blue). This month I've seen a guy, on two occassions, attempting to sell a rock. An actual rock. It was about the size of a small child's head, light grey in colour, with some dark grey circles on it.

A guy and his rock

Apparently this pattern makes it special, and therefore commands a price of something in the 4-digit range. (I sincerely hope that the guy that was selling that thing is still there - if she's not then it may indicate that someone has bought it. If that is the case, I may feel compelled to track down said buyer and beat him, or her, senseless. If only to get my hands on the rock, obviously.)

Another great job is the guy THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE MONEY TO that will design a signature for you. Apparently it's cool to have a cool signature. Apparently people are too dumb to come up with one on their own.

Then there's the young ladies who clap for a living. Literally - clapping. Their task is to stand at the front of a shop and clap their hands together. I understand the idea behind this is simply to attract attention; once you've glanced over in their general direction, you will inevitably be drawn into the store where you will empty your wallet. I wonder what rigorous selection-procedural hoops need to be jumped through to reach those dizzying career heights.

Possibly the occupation with the largest number of workers in China also fits into the category of that's-not-really-a-job-is-it. Last, but by no means least, it is the good folks that stand by the door of so many stores and restuarants, and welcome you inside. Literally: Just stand there and say huan ying guang lin ("Welcome, and please grace us with your presence"). Then once you get inside, customers are often vastly outnumbered by the number of shop assistants or waitresses. Just ordering food in a restaurant herecan be a 3-waitress job. One to hold the menu, one to write the order, one to just stand by (in case of emergency?).

I'm told this may be partly in response to the fact that the population here is just so damn big. There aren't nearly enough jobs to go around, so jobs are just invented. In a situation like the one described above (shops, restaurants) I suspect the over-abundance of staff is meant to be a sign that the business is successful and can offer great service. 

To be fair, I once had a non-job. My sole task: to arrange files in alphabetical order.

The International Language of Onomatopoeia

(Or: Would a duck by any other quack sound as sweet?)

There are certain things in life that people often take for granted. The sun rises and sets. Santa will only leave gifts for good boys and girls. Grass is green. The sky is blue. Dogs bark, birds tweet… They do, don’t they? Well, maybe where you come from, but not in China.

What sound does your dog make? Woof? Bark? In China, the word is wang (1st tone, in case you were wondering). Admittedly, the issue of whether this is standard mutt-Mandarin, or the local doggy dialect remains unclear. If you brought your non-Chinese dog to China it is possible that the poor thing would stand no chance of communicating with its oriental canine cousins.

But the story doesn’t end there; dogs are not the only creatures with a language barrier to overcome. In fact, even the humble frog would have trouble chatting around an average koi pond on Chinese soil. While you may have previously thought it common knowledge that a frog communicates solely in ribbits, as you have probably now guessed, this is not the case in China. If you absolutely must imitate the Budweiser frogs while in the PRC, please ensure that the standard call of gua gua is used at all times, in order to avoid any confusion that may arise.

The confusion extends further into the animal kingdom. A patent worldwide shortage of farmyard translators has ensured that livestock destined for a future outside their home countries’ borders are in a constant state of bewilderment. Pity the poor sheep of the English-speaking world; There cries of baa baa simply don’t cut it once they’re past Chinese passport control, and are instead drowned in a sea of mie. 

But it is not all bad news. In fact, for cats with an international inclination, relocating to China would likely cause a minimum of disruption, having to cope with only a change of accent rather than a different language. (Go on, try to miaow with a Chinese accent.)

Confusing as this all is, the level of education among China’s non-human population demands respect – it is apparent that animals of Chinese origin are clearly familiar with the rules of standard Chinese and always use the right one of Mandarin’s four tones.

As a sad footnote, after extensive research, it has proven nigh on impossible to ascertain the sounds made by particularly Chinese beasts like the giant panda (ooh, is it a bear, is it a raccoon?) and the common or garden dragon.

Desperate to communicate with Chinese animals? Click here.

Birds of a feather

There are things that I've come to understand about China. People will never believe that I like spicy food. People will respond to my spoken Chinese with mime. Mashed potato will always be served cold, surrounded by a moat of milk, with coloured sprinkles on top. I accept these things and try not to let them get me down.

But there are other things, things that I don't think I'll ever understand. I've already written about one such example, when landlords actually raise the rent after apartments have been sitting empty for months, to recoup the money they've already lost. This seems an unusual business decision to me. But there's another one, a more obvious and highly visual one, that I'm sure many others have noticed...

If you need to buy some flowers in Xi'an, where do you go? Flower street, of course. What about a neon sign for the front of your shop? Head on down to neon sign street. Desperately need some goldfish? Simply take a bus down to goldfish street and ye shall be rewarded. I can't help but wonder.... is it really a good idea for stores that sell identical items to be located right next door to each other in a single long strip? Often, they have exactly the same prices too. Where is the competition? How can that be a good business idea? I've heard that if a couple of similar shops, nearby to each other, seem to have a good business, then that just encourages many others to open identical shops next door.

A sign-making shop, next to a sign-making shop, next to a...

Doesn't this just dilute how much money is being brought into the available stores in that particular identi-shop strip? Once the saturation point has been reached there simply won't be enough business/money to spread around... right? Whatever happened to finding a gap in the market? Wouldn't it make more sense to find out where there are NO florists, and open one there? Well, not in China.

Six florists in this photo, but there are plenty of others nearby

The thing is, this Chinese system doesn't seem to work.... so why does it persist? 

Luck.

It's all about how lucky you are. If business is poor, the store makes a loss and has to close, then what is the cause? Location? Lack of advertising? Wrong product or pricing? Nope - the guy just wasn't lucky enough. So, sure enough, another one will open in its place a few weeks later, opened by someone that believe they will be luckier than the last one. And so the cycle continues.

There seems to be a general belief that the path to riches goes something like this:

1. Open a shop (preferably selling little crappy things that nobody really wants, which are really cheap, and can only possibly yield a profit of 1 RMB.)

2. Plan is complete - you are rich.

There are no possible alternatives or deviations from this plan. At least, not in the minds of the myriad shop owners, and potential shop owners, of Xi'an. Did you have any idea that is was so simple? Let's all go and open stores in a shopping mall right now! Oh wait, you probably shouldn't bother, since they're all empty caverns...

Play, Setup, Scene, Spanial

English is fashionable in China. It has been for a number of years, and the trend is likely to continue. English words adorn many items of clothing, and translations from the original Chinese often accompany things like shop names and descriptions of food items. If it doesn't have abc on it, it just aint worth having.

I know, I know, Chinglish is an easy target. And there is already a great wealth of it available on t'internet for your viewing pleasure. But I've already largely resisted the urge for several months, and I've collected a few pictures that unreasonably amused me...

This is the menu page of a some random DVD I saw a few months ago. (You can assume that this isn't from a 100% legitimate copy of the film...) I was rather hoping that selecting the fourth option would translate the entire thing into woofs and barks, but sadly this was not the case.

This is an entry in the menu of a restaurant I often go to. I believe the translation should be something along the lines of a 'bull's penis cut into the shape of a flower', which isn't necessarily much better than what the menu actually states... but there's just something about the wording that puts a smile on my face:

Not in my family it doesn't

I imagine that many of these low-budget translations stem from the use of internet-based translation software by someone who has little or no knowledge of English... Here is an interesting illustration of what can happen when quality control really goes out the window - found in large writing on the front of a shop, somewhere between Taiyuan and Beijing:

What Chinese people know about food

Only Chinese people like spicy food. Or maybe I should rephrase that as 'only Chinese people can eat spicy food', since there's an important difference. Seemingly, this is a matter of pride to folks here - the ability to eat spicy food. Non-spicy food just isn't proper food to many people. And it seems that even if you don't like the heat of the chillis, it is just the done thing, so you eat them anyway. How amusing to see people slurping down furnace-like hot and sour fishhead soup and chewing on red chilli-coated noodles while their cheeks glow pink and foreheads bead with sweat, insisting how great the food is (but all the while stopping for regular breaks and declaring how bloody hot it is). I've the question before: If it's too spicy, why not ask for it without the chilli next time? But I was politely informed that it wouldn't taste good without the tongue-searing, makes-your-eyes-bulge heat. 

I like spicy food. Chinese, Indian, Mexican - it's all good. I've tried to introduce the idea that other countries also have spicy food. I've talked about the popularity of Indian food in the UK. But ordering spicy food in a restaurant in China often produces the same response: A concerned look, then, towards my missus: 他能吃辣子不？("Can he eat spicy stuff?") For me, this is annoying on two levels. Maybe I'm taking it too personally but it almost seems like a slight against my manliness - yes I can eat spicy food damnit (just like I ate them the last ten times I ordered this dish in this restaurant...). Pile more chillies on top, see if I care. Secondly (if a little off-topic-ly) I ordered the food by speaking to the guy in Chinese, so why can't the guy ask me if I'm ok with spicy food?

Chinese people know what foreign food is: Burgers. And pizza. And fried chicken. I think those are the only available options. I once showed some students a picture of a cooked english breakfast and they didn't even understand what they were looking at. A full Sunday-roast style dinner (complete with yorkshire puddings, naturally) produced a similar effect. Regardless of their obvious utter lack of knowledge of foreign food, I was confidently informed that foreign food didn't taste good. (Note to self: Try this again, but first Photoshop the pictures to make everything look spicy.)

Oh, I missed one. Foreigners also eat onions.

To be fair, knowledge of what real Chinese food is is pretty pathetic in the UK. Most things that you might find on a menu back home simply wouldn't be recognised as Chinese food in China. Likewise, there's a lot of great Chinese food that I can't imagine I'd ever find in a restaurant back in England. 

The range and standard of 'western' food here is not great, though probably on a par with the range and standard of Chinese food available in western countries. Some of the 'western food' items I've been served - though I haven't necessarily eaten - include pasta (served in a ketchup dressing) and fruit salad (served in a thousand island dressing). Pizza has no tomato under the cheese. But at least the cheese is... cheese flavoured. Could be worse, could use one of these dairy-related abominations:

That'll be strawberry and chocolate flavoured cheese then. Say it with me: Mmmmmm.....

The Shaanxi Squat

Back in my school days I remember spending a lot of time sitting cross-legged on the floor. During school assembly, or at home in front of the TV. It seemed comfortable at the time, but my aging, unexercised lower limbs just don't have the required flexibility any more. I can bend to meet all the necessary angles required to sit on a chair, and that's about as far as I go.

Life in China makes more demands of peoples' thighs. What with all the stair climbing (buildings of eight floors or less have no lifts) and walking, and... well, I won't dwell too long on the delights of a visit to a non-Western style WC, but as you can probably work out from this picture it doesn't involve sitting down, but requires the 'user' to squat. 

Moving swiftly on, I'm focussing on the act of squatting itself. Chinese people are great at this. If it was an Olympic sport, then that would surely have been another gold medal in the bag for the PRC. It can be seen everwhere: In the street, at home, in school. Waiting, smoking, chatting with friends, eating. On the ground, on a wall, beside a chair, even on a chair...

Spotted this guy a couple of days ago in a local restaurant, thought I might sneak a quick photo using my phone, over my shoulder.

I don't know why, but although I've seen people squatting like this wherever I've been in China, it does seem more common here in Xi'an. Therefore, I propose that henceforth this manouvre be known as The Shaanxi Squat. I'm fairly good at it too, though I find it difficult to hold for long periods of time. I've yet to work up the courage to attempt an on-seat squat, but maybe one day...

Sorry, more toilet talk, but this warrants a mention too: On a couple of occasions I've seen footprints on the seat of a western-style toilet. No need, really.

Be careful the safe

What better way to escape from a Wednesday afternoon at work than to be carted off to a health and safety workshop? I'm certain this is a familiar scenario to people all over the western world. Sadly, no such thing would ever happen in China, the land of blatant disregard for human safety (in spite of the occasional redundant sign).

Traffic lights are just for decoration, right? (I've personally witnessed at least half a dozen car crashes over the past couple of years, compared to one in my previous 28 years in the UK.) Hiking up mountains is aided by "safety rails" that are barely up to knee-height... more of a trip-hazard really. How many people can you fit on a motorbike? Come to China and you'll find out. Having said all that, it is actually quite refreshing to be in a country where daily life has not had all the fun thoroughly beaten out of it with a large and pointy health and safety regulations stick. I rather enjoy careering around the streets of Xi'an on the back of someone's moped. (I try to forget that driving lessons are optional here... Want a license? Just buy one.) A small part of me (not my lungs, obviously) loves that it is ok to smoke anywhere you like. Including in hospitals. (But I don't like it in lifts.)

The street where I live is populated by many businesses that make neon signs for shops. As such, there's always work going on out in the streets. (If there's not enough room inside, they just drag everything outside onto the pavement and do it there.) I don't entirely love the smell of burning plastic that fills the air, but I do marvel at the guys welding the metal sign-supports together. Welding masks? Ok, what about goggles? Why bother when you can just turn your head away? Has anyone really thought that through? Welding, whilst not actually looking at what you're welding? (Hmm... Maybe I've found the reason why Xi'an has a hospital that specialises in reattaching severed hands!)

Possibly my all-time favourite example of lack-of-fear-of-potential-death in China was also witnessed right here in Xi'an. These are some pictures from the first summer that I arrived here, in 2007. I was walking atop the ancient wall that encloses the city centre when I noticed this guy sitting on his little stool, hanging onto a rope, which disappeared over the other side of the wall...

He looked a little nervous as he smiled casually at me. I tried to just walk by. It was none of my business what he was up to. I walked. I walked some more. I thought I'd made it, but I just had to look. It was like trying to ignore an itch - I just had to look. I walked towards the side fo the wall and stuck my head through so that I could see outside. What was on the other end of that rope?

Well, I suppose it was easier and significantly cheaper than to hire some kind of lifting platform to hoist him up from the ground on the outside of the wall. Practical, don't you think?

Remember kids: Be careful the safe.

Internet explorer cannot display the webpage

Most likely causes:

You are not connected to the internet.

The website is encountering problems.

There might be a typing error in the address.

Or secret option number 4: You might be in China.

The Chinese government has a reputation for blocking certain websites, in a bid to protect the fragile, impressionable minds of its billion-plus population. I've seen this reported in the western press (especially around the time of the Olympics) as another example of how evil and oppressive this place is. But the truth is actually a little different.

Email is blocked! (Actually, no, it isn't.) Wikipaedia is blocked! (Again, no, its not. And that includes the pages about 'sensitive' issues.) I can't read the BBC site! (Yes, yes you can.) In fact, I find that very little is blocked. I can use Blogger and Youtube, I can read the news, and can do everything else I want. This isn't through a special connection set up for use by a foreigner - its from my Chinese apartment. Same goes for my Chinese workplace, and also the Chinese internet bars that I've used. I find that the censorship situation is massively exaggerated. But China-bashing is fashionable, so its ok, right?

That's not to say that some things aren't being blocked. Since the internet is reputedly 90% porn, I guess only 10% of the internet is now available to internet users in China, if this and that are to be believed. Is it right to censor internet porn? Well that's difficult for non-Chinese to comment on, since local laws and the definition of decency vary the world over. I suspect the western concensus view of this would be to say that its a free world, and people should be able to do what they want. But that argument rings hollow when coming from a land with more rules and regulations about what people can and can't do than pretty much anywhere else. Example: Riding your bike without a safety helmet - not allowed due to safety concerns, as decreed by government. But then, isn't it the welfare of the people that the Chinese goverment are thinking about, by attempting to prevent the "destruction of the moral standard of society"? Swings and roundabouts?

The nation's favourite hobbies

Quick question: If someone asks what your hobby is, what is a valid answer? Reading? Watching films? Playing a sport? Yes, yes and yes. Listening to music. Yes. Sleeping? Er... is that really a hobby? Well, it is what many Chinese people claim as their hobby. And to be honest, after living here a while that reply doesn't surprise me. People sleep anywhere and everywhere. It doesn't matter where you are or what time it is - its always a good time for a nap. Asleep in the street. Asleep in a shop. Asleep at work.

I like the neatly-placed shoes

I've been in shops where the shop owner was asleep, and couldn't be bothered to get up and serve me. Many small shops even have little beds behind the counter for ease of napping.

One guy was so fascinated by this that he put a website together based entirely on photographs of Chinese people asleep in unusual locations, which you can find here.

The other best way of wasting time, if you happen to be in China, is chatting to people on QQ (basically, an Asian-version of MSN). In you aint napping, you're chatting. If you aint chatting, you're napping. In offices and shops all over the PRC, that is what's happening right now. Chatting on QQ is actually the favoured method of contact for many people. Sometimes if you call a business to make an enquiry, they'll tell you to find them on QQ instead, then put the phone down. Not entirely sure what the advantage of this is (hey, why say in 20 seconds what you can type in 10 minutes?...), but, as it says on the QQ homepage: "In China, QQ is not just a way to communicate—it's a phenomenon, a part of culture, and a daily necessity".

Hospital advertising

In Britain we have the good old NHS. Healthcare is free (well, its paid for by everyone's taxes) so hospitals are free to go about their business making people better (giving them MRSA infections). Elsewhere in the world hospitals operate a pay-as-you-go system, as it is in China. This makes hospitals something of a money-making business, rather than just the place to go when you're ill. I've noticed several things that make this all too apparent. For example, what do you do when you have a bad cold? Stay at home, plenty of hot honey and lemon, plenty of rest? Wrong - you should proceed directly to hospital, have an injection of vitamins in your buttock, have a drip put into the back of your hand (the colour of the liquid to be intravenously given varies, but the bright orange type is popular) and spend three nights in a hospital bed. Of course, you have to pay for all of these 100% essential things. Also, how do you choose which hospital to go to? I've already mentioned this topic here, but another thing I've noticed recently is the amount of advertising that's done by hospitals. Since they're effectively operating as cash-generating businesses I suppose this makes some sense. Some of the TV adverts I've seen for various hospitals are great. Here's a rough translation of one of my current favourites:

"What can you do in three minutes? You could drink one-third of a cup of tea. Or you could eat half an apple. Or you could have an abortion, at blahblahblah hospital..."

Another one that I like features a young couple contemplating the problems they might face in their married life:

Girl says: What if my clothes need cleaning?
Guy says: I'll wash them for you.
Girl says: Well, what if I get vaginal yeast infection?
Guy says: Then I'll take you straight to Xi'an blahblahblah hospital.

What I like best of all is the natural, everyday dialogue.

Asian blepharoplasty

Now popular the world over, and as simple as having a haircut, we have cosmetic surgery: the almost-instant answer to all of our bodily aesthetic issues. What are the most popular procedures? Nosejob? Boobjob? Lipsuction? Correct, correct and correct again. But not in China. (Are you beginning to notice a theme in this blog?)

The key to being beautiful in China is all in the eyes: they have to be wide. Specifically, a lady should have a double-eyelid. No, not like a crocodile. It means that putting an artificial fold in your eyelid will widen your eyes and make your face appear more attractive.

I first noticed that people did this when I saw something hanging off the eyelid of a young lady I was talking to. I later found out that it was a piece of narrow sticky tape, applied just above the eyelashes on the upper eyelid, to pull the lid up a little, so widening the eyes. And it's really popular - I've since noticed a lot of other girls using this stuff. But, even better, you can go a step further and have it done on a permanent basis, thanks to a quick surgical procedure.

My initial reaction to this was that it was crazy, but it does make a difference. There are a bunch of example before and after pictures here, though, typically, the before picture is always some greasy-skinned, sad-looking, bad-hair-day girl, followed by an after picture of some just-about-to-go-onstage-look-at-my-fancy-makeup-and-hairdo girl. But still, it does make the eyes look wider.

There are even a range of different styles that you can go for, which give the eyes a slightly different shape.

Another one you can do is kind of an in-reverse version of the nosejob that many western folks might have. Essentially, it involves building up the bridge of the nose to make it protrude from the face a little more.

But as with any cosmetic surgery, you have to know when to draw the line - just ask Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Specialist healthcare

Hospitals. We don't like being in them, but sometimes we just have to be. If you're ill, if you have an accident, you have to go to hospital. But which one? The nearest one? Well, not necessarily. It might be better to head somewhere that has particular expertise in the treatment of your type of injury...

A lot of Chinese hospitals seem to have a particular specialism. Women's health. Hearts. Eyes. Fertility. Nothing especially unusual in those. But I must confess to being mildly alarmed/confused/amused upon discovering that Xi'an has a hospital that specialises in the surgical reattachment of hands. I can't help but think that that is just a little too specific. Is there really a need for that? Now I'm wondering, exactly how many hands are chopped off in Xi'an every day... and why?! Answers on a severed hand to the usual address...

Winter in China: It's a bit chilly.

In the midst of another cold January in Xi'an, I often like to vent my inherent Britishness and complain about the weather. (Of course, I reserve the right to complain about the weather regardless of the time of year.) Still haven't seen a snowflake this winter, but it's certainly cold enough for it. It actually hasn't rained in Xi'an for a long time, so I'm guessing that the lack of snow is simply due to a lack of available moisture. My apartment has no central heating. Well, actually, technically, it does. But 'they' won't turn it on. Apparently you can't turn on individual apartments, just the entire block, all or nothing. So unless everyone wants to turn it on, it stays off. So it's off. But hurrah for oil heaters, heat lamps, air heaters, electric blankets and wearing jumpers 3 at a time.

The INSIDE of my bedroom window, a few mornings ago

Go into a shop or a restaurant and it's the same. The vast majority of them have large aircon units that could warm the room in 10 minutes... but they just choose not to use them. On the occassions that the heaters are used, someone will always open the doors and windows. It seems that people would rather keep their outside coats and jackets on that take them off and just close the window. Something else I've noticed is that car drivers will have their windows open all year round, even on the coldest days of winter, when they could easily close them and be significantly warmer. Is this weird? I think so.

I heard that big part of this is rooted in Chinese traditional medicine, since many people believe that breathing 'recycled' air is a great way to contract some kind of airborne illness. This was 'confirmed' by the 'fact' (=unfounded rumour) that SARS was spread by breathing such recycled air. I think a similarstory circulated regarding bird flu. So freezing-cold fresh air = good, nice warm air-conditioned air = bad.

Recently, after a couple of clicks on the 'next blog' button in the top-of-the-screen toolbar, I found this blog post discussing thermal comfort in China. The part that interested me essentially says that Chinese people have a significantly wider range of temperatures they feel are acceptable, and I can absolutely confirm that it's true. Able to see your breath in the 'comfort' of your own home? No problem. So hot that sweat is dripping into your eyes, down your back, down your legs? Again, no problem.

Maybe I'm a victim of being born and raised in a, comparatively, extremely comfortable environment. Damn you Britain, damn you for making me soft. And damn you, January, and probably damn you February too. It's the Spring Festival... where is the sunshine?

The Year of the Ox

Happy 牛 (niu) Year!

Happy Niu Year

It's New Year's Eve, and the rat will soon hand over the baton to the ox. Many of those born in the year of the ox (so, anyone that is 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, 84, 96 or 108 years old during the lunar year that starts tomorrow) will wear something red every day to ward off bad luck.

It is though that during these special years (when you've lived through an entire cycle of the 12 years/animals of the Chinese zodiac) you might meet some kind of difficulties or obstacles in your life. Wearing the colour red is thought to be the best way of avoiding the bad luck, or somehow shielding yourself from its effects. (There is a good description of why people do this here.) So there are an awful lot of 11, 23, 35, 47... year olds that will be receiving red clothing and jewellery over the next couple of days. Often, this takes the form of red underwear, or more simply a necklace or bracelet of red thread. (This is sometimes worn around the waist too... what is that called? A waistlet?)

I think some folks will need all the luck they can get over the Spring Festival holiday period. This is the time when fireworks pop in the sky almost continuously for several days. You can here rockets banging off your apartment windows, explosions in the stairwell outside your apartment door. It amazes me that after the Spring festival celebrations that most kids still have ten fingers. The fireworks you can buy on the street here are big. Really big. And cheap.

And apparently the done thing is to launch them from your hands. None of this stick-it-in-the-ground and light-it-with-a-long-fuse technique. Or is it actually fairly safe, and I've just been wrapped up in a little too much cotton wool by life in Britain? The public firework displays can be spectacular, but again, I was able to get a little too close to the action for the liking of my inherent Britishness. These mighty fiery beasts were launched from just a few metres away, exploded directly above peoples' heads, and then the crap (often still on fire) rained down on everyone - brilliant!

Spring festival in Xi'an (2008)

Would you like a clean plate or a dirty one?

Aside from the 'lost in translation' issues that occur at the meeting of east and west, there are other aspects of language and culture that just simply don't exist on the other side of the world. One thing I've noticed is the way something is implied by certain things. You know, when a simple thing is said, but it implies far more meaning. But sometimes people just don't get it...

A great example of this can be seen in some Chinese restuarants. You walk in, you sit down, and you place your order. But in some places there is an additional step before placing your order... you have to choose which standard of cleanliness you require for your plates and bowls. I know what you're thinking - there should only be one standard: CLEAN. Sadly, that's not the case. You can have the standard stuff, or you can choose the shiny new-looking stuff that is shrink-wrapped, gleaming under the overhead lights - at an additional cost of course. If you were faced with this choice what would you think? What does it imply? To me, it says that you shouldn't eat with the free stuff the restaurant offers you because it is dirty. Apparently the shiny new ones are not even new, but they have been properly cleaned and then sterilised. The question begs to be asked: Why on earth do plates and bowls need to be sterilised? What awful disease-causing bacteria are they destroying during the sterilisation process?

I've asked waitresses about this but the reply is always a blank, silent stare. It seems that offering a 'clean' option does not imply anything, or at least it doesn't in China anyway.

Actually, I think there is another side to the story: I think that both options are clean. But if you choose the extra-clean option it is a small show of status; that a person can afford to pointlessly waste a few renminbi on something in a restaurant, which might be a good way to impress someone and gain a little extra face.

Just for the record, I use the dirty stuff ^_^

Getting older (or younger)

How old are you? Seriously, are you sure about that? If you come to China, you might be a different age. And your birthday might be on a different day.

Back in Blighty I was, of course, born at the ripe old age of 0. You are 0 when you are born, and then twelve months later you celebrate the anniversary of the day of your birth: It's your 1st birthday, you are 1 year old. Right? Right?

Well... maybe. Sometimes. But not all the time. In China, you are born at the age of 1. So people are a year older than they would be if they were born outside of China. I was fearful of my big three-oh approaching while I was in China, but without me even realising it I had already crossed that threshold and was hurtling towards my 31st! Hmm... Actually, nowadays this isn't strictly true, especially if you live in a city like I do. But elsewhere, further afield, the old system is still very much in use.

Then there's the subject of birthdays. My girlfriend isn't entirely clear about when hers is. She claims that since she wasn't born in a hospital, she has no birth certificate. And the date of birth on her ID card is her lunar birthday... (It's also on her passport, and who knows how many other things... is that entirely legal?) So each year she gets a phonecall from her mother to wish her a happy birthday, but it's a different date each year - but it's the same date on the lunar calendar.

Moral of the story: Travel to China if you want to be older, leave China if you want to be younger again. I once had a theory that you could age backwards by crossing the international dateline from west to east many times in succession. I'm sure I could tie this into the Chinese age system if I could be bothered.

Ligers, and other aberrations of nature

2009 has arrived, though this isn't really considered the arrival of a new year to around a third of the world's population. It's not New Year until the year of the rat ends and the year of the ox begins, which is on the 25th January this year, since it's dictated by the lunar calendar. So one new year has arrived, and another is still to come, and there's a lot for me to look forward to this year - including my wedding to (cue dramatic music) a Chinese girl.

A while ago I was once sitting in a coffee shop minding my own business, dealing with my usual heavy schedule of procrastination, when a couple of Chinese people sitting within earshot at the next table asked me a few questions. It seems that one of them spoke English, and was giving the other an English lesson, and they wanted to clarify the meaning of a couple of words. No problem, they seemed friendly enough, so I happily obliged.

A short while later my girlfriend came to join me; The conversation of the couple that I had politely helped earlier quickly changed topic. They started to talk about attitudes towards interracial relationships, which seemed fairly natural, and not in itself offensive. But then the English-speaker specifically asked her friend what he thought about Chinese and non-Chinese being together. His response, while screwing up his face in a very visual display of revulsion: "It's disgusting - it's like putting a lion and a tiger together". What a delightful man.

Since it was very obvious that my girlfriend and I could overhear every word of their conversation, and considering that I'd been friendly to them just a short time earlier, I think I should've been offended by this comment. However, this seems to be a fairly typical attitude of the older generation (in this context, by 'older' I mean about 25 and above) towards interracial relationships in China. This is in stark contrast to many younger people in China. (As an aside, a random Chinese girl once contacted me through Skype to discuss the possibility of having a "mixed baby", since that was her ultimate goal in life!)

But of course, we got the last laugh: Everyone knows that crossing lions and tigers leads to ligers and tigrons, which are bred for their skills in magic, and are pretty much Napoleon Dynamite's favourite animals.

Placenta oral liquid

Gifts. Often a tricky thing. How much do I spend? Do I get something fun? Something practical? Something they can share? How well do I really know them? How can I find out what they want, what they need?

In China people often tend towards the practical side of things, giving gifts that are health-related. I'm told that in the past eggs were the gift of choice. Nowadays milk is more popular. But if you want to go that extra mile, to really show that you care, just head down to the local supermarket and there'll be a whole aisle-ful of healthy gifts. These usually take the form of a large briefcase-sized box, immaculately packaged in red and gold, and inside... protein powder. Maybe with added vitamins. American ginseng is another popular one. But the best I've seen so far, by a country mile, has to be this badboy:

A part of me was hoping that this was just an awful translation. But its not. It really is essence/extract of sheep and black chicken placenta. I hear it does wonderful things for a lady's health. If I ever have to buy a gift for a lady that I have a particular hatred for, I might splash out on some Florifa for her.

Crime and Paranoia

Oh yes, it is nearly time for the year of the rat to become the year of the ox, and sure enough the period is heralded by the onset of the season of burglary and general theft. Even just among friends and work colleagues, I know of four people that have been the victims of burglary (or attempted burglary) in the past two weeks.

I always thought that Chinese burglars had a formidable task to contend with. Aside from the presumably harsh punishment that awaits if caught, how exactly do you go about breaking into a Chinese apartment? Maybe Xi'an is different to other places, I can't really remember, but a great number of apartments here have a big steel door. Seriously: from the outside, they look like prisons. Many apartment windows are shielded by thick metal bars. I would have thought it was extremely difficult to get inside, and yet it obviously still happens.

One thing I noticed recently concerned me slightly: Although I have one of these prison-style security doors, and I live on the 6th floor of my apartment block, my bedroom windows have no bars. But all five floors below me do have bars. Won't they just make it much easier for potential burglars to climb up to my windows? It's like a ready-made ladder. I found a thick wooden pole stuck down the side of my fridge - I sleep with it by the bed now :-/

Crotchless pants (spit or swallow?)

A horribly out of place title on a China blog? Of course not, since I am, obviously, referring to the delightful pants sported by Chinese toddlers. Like normal pants. But without the crotch. Underwear? Nope. Nappies? Apparently not required. (These kids must be freezing cold right now. I still see them wandering around dressed like this as the temperature hovers around zero. I hope they're not wearing similar clothes up north where it gets really cold... guess I'll find out in a few weeks.)

Do parents dress their kids like this in other parts of the world? I have no idea. This is one of the (many) sights that people think is weird when they first come to China, though after a while it is such a common, everyday sight that it's barely noticed. But while non-Chinese generally think that this is an odd (but still slightly cute) way to dress toddlers, is it really such a bad idea? Lets consider the practicalities for a moment. Crotchless pants: There are no nappies to buy/change, which must save the parents a small fortune, and countless hours of being up to the elbows in something they'd rather not be. The kids simply 'go' anywhere, usually by a tree, or just a wall if no tree is readily available. On the downside, as already noted, these little 'uns must be freezing when temperatures drop. While I'm not endorsing the use of pavement as a WC, the Chinese approach also negates the situation of the kids having to sit around in snug-fitting poo-pouches all day, which is essentially what they are.

As I understand it, this sartorial approach originates from a belief in traditional Chinese medicine. It has been believed for a long time that 'waste' should be removed from the body as soon as you feel the urge, and that holding onto it is bad for you. The same rule applies to the spitting that China is infamous for: People don't spit because they have a burning desire to offend foreigners. They don't do it because they want to make the place a mess. They do it because it is the done thing. It's been done for a long time, and is actually related to traditional Chinese medicine, steeped in history. So regardless of any governmental guidelines, I suspect the habit will still be with us for a long time. Along with the crotchless pants.